Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Breaking Hearts

{Continued from last time...Write about a time you broke a heart.}

Oh geez. The thought of writing this makes me a little uncomfortable, but at the same time, it doesn't. I think I feel uncomfortable because I'm not a confrontational person, but this was one of the few times in my life I've actually had to confront someone. But really, it's a story I've always wanted to write about, so here we go!

I started dating this guy back in high school. I really shouldn't have dated him at all, now that I think about it. I was never truly happy (although I claimed to be) while dating him. We did not communicate effectively at any given point in the relationship, and we really didn't have that much in common (although I swore we did). I was never a priority in his life (even though he was in mine). I shouldn't have dated him. But I did.

Somehow, our hot mess of a relationship lasted a little over 2 years. I won't go into all the gory details, but I will go into some of them. After high school, we were happy to be attending the same local community college. I lived a few minutes from his house in my dorm. I just knew that we'd finally be able to spend more time together. I was wrong. Sometimes, I'd see him walking to class, but then I didn't. I realized not long after that he often skipped class, and later just quit coming altogether. It was a little annoying/frustrating, but oh well. I'd send texts trying to hang out with him, only to have him respond in some form hours or days later, if ever, with little to no explanation for the lapse in communication. We'd often go multiple days or weeks without talking to each other. When we did see each other, there was practically no conversation among the two of us. I mean, what do you say to your boyfriend who has spent an indefinite amount of time out of your life by his own choice?

A word to anyone in a dating relationship, this is not normal. This is not okay. This is not a key to a healthy dating relationship. I don't know how many times I cried myself to sleep wondering why my boyfriend, of all people in the world, couldn't take a minute out of his day to talk to me, letting me know he was still alive and well. Friends and family would often ask about him, and I'd always have some reason as to why he wasn't with me or what he was doing, when oftentimes, I had no idea myself.

He didn't really respect me or anything I stood for. One thing I often wished was that he would come to church with me, just once. He didn't have to become Catholic, but I wanted him to go so he could understand a little better. He always had some derogatory thing to say about it, usually saying it was boring, and gave me some lame excuse as to why he couldn't go just once. He sometimes made fun of my intelligence, calling me a nerd or a geek, because I studied math and wanted to be a teacher. Now, I realize he was probably threatened by me and my goals for my life, seeing as he didn't really have any at the time. I have no way to rationalize the things he said about my faith, but I can say that it was especially frustrating, considering that I often attended church with him. I didn't expect us to agree on everything, but it was hurtful to not feel heard and affirmed.

He lacked motivation. I won't even go any further on this thought, because I cannot think of a tactful way to say everything I'd like to say about this.

Probably the cherry on top of everything was the fact that he completely forgot about an important date we were supposed to have one day. Had I not called him to see where he was, he never would have showed up to get me, and that hurt a lot. When he did arrive, he didn't seem that fazed by it. He became very despondent, and spent most of his time at work or playing video games with his friends. I had enough.

All of these reasons, plus a few more that I can't bring myself to write at the moment pushed me over the edge. I was about to transfer to OSU in a few months, and he had already made it known to me that he had no intention of going out of his way to visit. Even if he may have been joking, I didn't appreciate it at all. I was unhappy to the point that I resented my single friends who didn't have to deal with this headache. I was unhappy to the point that I was ready to be with almost anyone else except him.

I told my sisters, Scotty, my mom, Tonisha, Liz, my boss, my hair stylist, basically anyone who'd listen about my predicament of wanting to break up with him, but not knowing how to do it. They all told me to pick a date and commit to it. They told me to be direct and quick about it, leaving no gray area. Most of all, they all affirmed me, telling me that they had no idea why I'd kept dating him for so long, because they didn't care for him, and they could tell how unhappy I was with him.

So I did it. I called him and told him I was coming over. I was well-dressed, and I hyped myself up. When I arrived, he met me outside, and I told him, in a few words, that our relationship wasn't working and that we needed to work on aspects of ourselves separately. I think I also tossed in something about me moving to Stillwater. He looked shocked initially, but beyond that, I have no idea how he reacted. He may have been devastated, angry, depressed, furious, I don't know. All I know is that I felt a million pounds lighter after that moment, and I never looked back. I worked very hard to build the life I have built for myself, and I couldn't be happier.

I haven't talked to him since, and I've made a point to avoid seeing him. It's probably all for the best, if we're being completely honest. I have no real desire to talk to him, and I really don't want to know what he could have to say to me. All of this being said, I have forgiven him for all of the pain he caused me. It was the only way I could really move on with any hope of building a good relationship in the future. (aka my marriage to Thomas) I still pray for him that he has a good life and that he will find his purpose and true happiness. It's not that he's a bad person, but it was really more of the fact that we were highly incompatible, especially on a long-term scale. That's what the dating journey is all about, and it sometimes comes with a few bumps and bruises along the way.

No comments:

Post a Comment