Peace of Mind

For the past couple of weeks, I have felt troubled for some reason. I felt like everything was swirling around me, out of my control, and like I had no grip on things. My mind has been bogged down with thoughts about the past, the present, and more than usual, the future. Sometimes I am prone to getting myself in a "slump" like this; I don't like it, but sometimes it happens. I become preoccupied with all of the what-ifs of my life. Like What if I can't decide where I should go to college? What if I get to college to realize that I should have gone somewhere else? What if I am stuck with excessive debt from college for the rest of my life? What if after I get out of college I can't find a job? What if something bad happens that prevents me from living a successful life? What if I'm not successful? Like I said, sometimes my thoughts can spiral out of control, leaving me feeling mentally weighed down, and I tend to be a worrier about some things, which definitely doesn't help matters.

I don't like feeling like this at all; I like being the happy, bubbly optimistic person that I know I am capable of being. Sometimes, if it were possible, I'd love it if I could just be temporarily suspended from reality, and just live in my own little world, where I had nothing to worry about in the least. But, like I said, that isn't possible, so I managed to find a more plausible solution. I have discovered that when I am in this state of mind, I need silence to still my mind. So, with that in mind, here is what I do: First of all, it has to be at a time of day when I know that I can be alone with my thoughts, so it is usually right before I go to sleep. Then I light a candle, because I have also discovered that candlelight can be relaxing, as well. The next thing is to shut off the lights. Finally, I put in a pair of earplugs. Yes, earplugs. (When I say silence, I mean silence!) What happens next is that I usually just sit in bed, and I talk to God. I have a heart-to-heart with Him, and I tell him what's troubling me, or just what's on my mind, in a free-flowing prayer that goes wherever I want it to. It's not necessarily prayer in the traditional thought of it, but I have found recently that prayer is more than saying the same thing every day, or being formal, or thinking that there are certain things that can't be said. After I usually sit for about thirty minutes or so, or until I get tired, I go to sleep (after blowing out the candle, of course; a house fire is not exactly conducive to a peaceful mind) with a feeling of absolute serenity. I feel like all is right in my world, and that I can rest easy knowing that everything is in God's hands. Perhaps that is how I get in that frame of mind in the first place. I think that I have to know all of the answers to everything, and that I have to have everything figured out at that exact moment, when, in reality, It isn't possible! God is always there to lighten the burden; it is merely a matter of humbling yourself enough to realize that you can't do it alone, and that you need His help. It is a fact that the average person is strong enough mentally to handle many of the problems that are usually encountered in life. The other fact that many overlook is that when it all becomes too much for even the strongest person to handle, God is always there for you.

I know that I am a spiritual person, and that I have a love for God that is immense. The thing I have a problem with is putting my exact thoughts about God, and other spiritual matters into words. My words cannot accurately convey what it is exactly that I feel in my heart. It is amazing that the one thing that can truly render me speechless, is the one thing that is truly greater than me or anything I can ever be.