Called to Lead

This weekend was my final YAB meeting for all eternity. I actually had a lot of fun, and I didn't have "a moment", like I thought I would! We had a great time in Woodward, and also at the Alabaster Caverns. At the Caverns, we ended up going on a nature hike after our picnic lunch. The girl who was in charge of the walk led the way. We were out there for about 2 1/2 hours, or what seemed like that long. It was very hot, and it was also very strenuous. We also got lost for a while, but we found our way back eventually...those things happen when you're on an adventure! It was a great team-building activity, and we had a great bonding experience while we were out there. I caught a few rays, but I managed to not get a sunburn, either! (That's truly an accomplishment in and of itself.) After our walk, we toured the caverns themselves, which was refreshing after being in the 85-degree weather for a few hours.

The rest of the weekend was just as fun, if not more so. I had some great times with all of my YAB buddies, and I'm glad that I was able to be there, and really, just be a part of the group itself. The other day I was thinking about the journey my life has taken in the past four years, and how one thing really does lead to another. Just considering the way I became a part of YAB, it boggles my mind to think that something so small led to where I am today. Because I think it's important, and for posterity's sake, I'll explain the chain of events that led to me to YAB, and all of my other leadership roles. (Note: This could be a tad lengthy!)

It really all began during my Freshman year. That was when I began preparing for my Confirmation. IT was odd, because usually that's something that happens between Jr. & Sr. years of high school. However, it just so happened that it worked out better that way. The evening of my first class was weird, to say the least. I felt very out of place, because I was a Freshman in a crowd of Juniors, and I was also a stranger to almost everyone in the room. The majority of the people went to Hennessey, and I was the lone ranger from Pioneer and the Bison church. After the first night, I was ready to leave and never go back, but I knew that I needed to give it a chance. So I did. And it got better. There happened to be a couple more Freshman who I knew who happened to join in the next few weeks, which helped tremendously. Also, a distant cousin of mine, Evan, was in the class, and he helped me get acquainted with everyone. By the end of the first month, it wasn't too bad.

Outside of church, I was at the beginning of some difficult times in my personal life. I was in my first year of high school, and I was just trying to find my place in the world. There were problems with my friends that were brewing beneath the surface. I wasn't popular, to say the least, but I also wasn't a social leper. I was in plenty of extracurriculars, ranging from band to quiz bowl to track. With all of this, however, I was still out of the loop. There were a couple of guys in my class who I happened to like, but I was nothing close to what they wanted, and they were satisfied with just being friends. It was difficult to see all of my friends with boyfriends while I was alone. (Or so I thought.) I was a quiet soul who rarely spoke my mind, because I was afraid that people wouldn't like what I said. If it wasn't for the fact that I had an immaculate report card and GPA, I probably would've fallen into the shadows of my school completely. That was a basic blueprint of my first year of high school. (I don't intend for this to sound like a "woe is me" story, but I have to give some background information to paint a better picture.)

My biggest problem at this point was that I lacked perspective. I had a hard time realizing that there was a much bigger world out there than just little old Pioneer High. I didn't realize that there was a light at the end of the tunnel when I graduated.

Back to my Confirmation classes...
I was finally making friends outside of my small circle at Pioneer. Before then, I never really had any other friends besides Pioneer people. I was learning to branch out, and reach outside my comfort zone. It took me quite a while, but I eventually gained the confidence I needed to assert my thoughts and ideas in group settings. I was beginning to reach outside my box, and, truth be told, I liked it. More than any of that, I was beginning to develop a greater grasp of my spirituality, and I began to have a better relationship with God, as opposed to before I began my classes. Things were getting better on that side of the spectrum.

By the end of my freshman year, things weren't too rosy at school. I still sat on the sidelines of my life, not getting too involved with anything because I was afraid. My friendships were getting pretty rocky, also. My life felt like it was crashing down around me, and there wasn't anything I could do about it. (Yes, of course there was, I was too scared to do it!) My confirmation class was pulling to a close of its first year, just when I needed it the most. I had a huge blowup and confrontation with some friends, and I desperately needed the fellowship of my confirmation buddies. I felt disconnected from the rest of the world, because I didn't live near any of my friends, and we didn't really communicate much outside of school. The beginning of my sophomore year wasn't much better. Actually, it was worse. For a while, I think my family was worried that I had fallen into a state of near-depression, and, perhaps, I did. I'm not sure, but it wasn't the best time of my life at all.

After many nights of tears and frantic prayers, things began to get better. I found my true friends, and I began to step out of my box, little by little. By the end of sophomore year, when I was confirmed, I felt like I was beginning a new chapter of my life. That's when things really started to happen for me.

My junior year started out nicely. I had my friends, family, and God, and everything was going pretty well. The only thing that still ate at me was the fact that I couldn't get a boyfriend. I tried convincing myself that I didn't need one, and that even if I did have one, it wouldn't neccessarily make me happy, and that it would happen when I was good and ready for it. It helped some, but not much. In August, I got an amazing opportunity. Joyce Markes, the former youth cooordinator for my church, told me and the other youth at my church (all four of us) that there would be the National Catholic Youth Conference, or NCYC, in November. It happened to work out that I could go.

I went into the experience with an open mind, not knowing what to expect. When Joyce, Clayton, and I arrived at the Pastoral Center at 5:00 AM, and there was a conference room FULL of youth, who were very energetic for that hour of day, I might add, I was flabbergasted. Soon after, they began playing some music, and people were just singing and dancing and just acting crazy. I was WAY out of my comfort zone already, and we hadn't even got on the bus yet. I didn't know anyone in the room except for Joyce and Clayon, and I wasn't that good of friends with Clayton at that point, either. I began to think that I made a bad decision, and I should've just stayed home. When we got on the bus, finally, I wasn't able to sit with Clayton and I had to sit with a complete stranger. I don't know her name, but I know she wasn't too enthralled about sitting by me. By the time we got to Kansas City, I made about three friends, maybe. Unfortunately, they weren't in our group that went out to eat, so there I was again, alone. (Clayton made all kinds of friends in our group by that point, so he wasn't too concerned with me.) By the time we were done eating, I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry, because I didn't know anyone, and everyone knew each other, so they weren't concerned about knowing me, and I was ready to go home. Finally, it happened. I made friends who were in my group. For the most part, everyone was really nice. Then I had to meet my roommates, and I was even more scared. As it turned out, they were amazing, and we were instant friends! My luck was turning.

The next two days gave way to some huge life changes for me. I met all kinds of people of everywhere. I told random people hi, and gave them hugs or high fives, just because I could. I realized that there were lots of other people out there, just like me, and it was great! I had deep conversations with people about things, like our faith or just life in general. That was also when I was introduced to YAB, via a girl in my group. She and Joyce encouraged me to join, and that was one of the first things I did upon my return home.

The application process went well, and, as luck would have it, I was accepted to join for the remainder of the year! When I went to my first meeting, I felt just like I did at Confirmation or at NCYC on the first day. Eventually I settled in, and I loved it!

Back at school, I was becoming a new person. I had a new sort of confidence within myself, and I wasn't afraid to step up and state my opinions. I didn't even care if people didn't like it, because I knew that they were entitled to their own opinions, also. I was finally my own person for the first time in eleven years of being at that school. I loved my friends dearly, but I learned to stand on my own and do my own thing, even if it wasn't what everyone else was doing. Somewhere in there was when I got my first boyfriend. Life was going great for me, and I was unstoppable! I learned to take things in stride, and not to obsess over what everyone else thought about me. I even decided to run for a STUCO officer, and I won! I was ready to lead after having sat in the backseat for all of those years.

Of course, things weren't always fantastic, because that's just how life is at times. However, feel like my life has been much better since I have stepped up and began to lead. Between YAB (this year), STUCO, and just being a senior in general, I have been called to lead quite often. I have now been chosen to be on a Leadership Council next year at college, which I am looking forward to so much.

It never fails to amaze me how much I have changed during high school, and the journey my life has taken as of yet. It is hard to believe that if it hadn't been for my Confirmation classes, that I might not be the person I am today. God has a way of giving you the opportunities you need at just the right time, and I am so glad that He did. Perhaps, I won't become a teacher. I don't know just yet. One thing is for sure thought, I do plan on being a leader, of some sort. (Not of anything bad, though!) I also hope to be able to set an example for future generations and guide them to become the leaders that they are called to be.

I always remember to thank God for simply blessing me with all of the opportunities that I have received. I am so very lucky to be who I am, where I am. I wouldn't change a single thing in my life, because I know that I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't experienced all of those things, both good and bad. I am blessed, indeed!