The Long and Winding Road

Sometimes when I can’t sleep at night, I lay awake and think about things. Random things, things I usually wouldn’t give a second thought to during the course of my day, only because I have other things to think about. Besides, the middle of the night is a great time to think, because there’s nothing better to do if you can’t sleep, and, especially if you live with other people, it’s quiet and won’t bother anyone else, unless you tend to think out loud.


Most of my late-night ponderings revolve around people in my life. Recently, during a night I had a hard time falling asleep, I began to think about Tevis, and me, and how we came to be. I tried to trace it back to the first thing that could’ve led me to him, but with each thing I kept finding something big that happened before that, and so on, and so forth. Then it turned into me thinking about how different my life could be if I had or hadn’t done something. It’s a crazy, and seemingly unrelated, chain of events that has led me to where I am now, but I am so thankful for each and every thing. This is a bit more personal than my posts typically are (It is also long. Please feel free to skip it, if you’re not up for that), but it is truly what is in my heart right now. From the beginning, here goes…

I think I finally summed everything up to this—the fact that I loved learning from a young age. Random enough? It’s the truth, though! In my life up to the fourth grade, I carried around a brain full of random knowledge and had no true outlet for it…until I was drafted for the 4th grade Quiz Bowl team that only played one game against Chisholm. I was in heaven from the get-go, and I flourished. I think I was probably the only one who enjoyed it, but that’s probably beside the point…Then came 5th grade when I was on the traveling Quiz Bowl team and Scholastic team.

During my time on both teams, I happened to make a few friends, mostly from Hennessey. We were friendly outside of competition, but they became my archenemies once I began any sort of competition against them. Not only was I friends with some of the people from the academic teams, but I also ended up going to Sunday school with a few of my Hennessey buddies, thus furthering our connection. As is typical, I developed a little bit of a crush on a boy who was one of my overlapping friends. (He shall remain nameless to protect the innocent…not like he’d probably see this anyway, but still.) Ah, yes, Mr. Hennessey. Rumor had it that he liked me, but I was never one to listen to rumors. I continued to like him for quite some time, although I never really told that many people, because it really wasn’t their business.

Fast-forward to my freshman year…I had moved on from Mr. Hennessey, although those rumors persisted through some mutual friends and a cousin of mine. By that point, I knew that nothing could or would ever work out. Then, my parents decided that it was time for me to join the Confirmation class in Hennessey, because it was either there or Enid, and Hennessey was closer. My main motivation for going in the beginning was the prospect that I just might see him. However, after the first few weeks of class, I came to the sad realization that I would never see him there, ever. (I don’t think he even goes to church there anymore, actually.)

So, there I was in Confirmation. I really didn’t know anyone, but I managed to make a few quick friends. Among those friends was a distant cousin of mine, Evan. After chatting quite a bit throughout our time in class, Evan and I became pretty good friends. It was nice to have a good guy friend/cousin like him to just be able to sit and chat with, as we often did after class, while I was waiting for my mom. Evan was also in band, and we always saw each other at the Hennessey Honor Band, where we usually hung out and talked. Well, there I was at the Honor Band during my junior year. I had long since been confirmed, and I had also gone to NCYC, which I believe truly helped me to be more outgoing. (Keep that in mind here in a moment.) We were about an hour or so from being done with the first day, and I was bored out of my mind, because they were in the middle of a percussion sectional. Suddenly, I heard someone whisper-shouting my name from a few rows back. Wouldn’t you know, it was Evan. He said that he was bored, and I was the closest person he could talk to, so we began chatting, when the saxophone player who was in the row between us interjected into our conversation. He seemed nice enough, so I began chatting with him. Also, the trombones had to play then. (Evan was a trombonist.)

Lo and behold, said saxophone player was none other than Adam Jones, my former boyfriend, who was also my first technical boyfriend. We had an instant connection, which seemed better than it really turned out to be. While it was so, it was perfect. I had never met another person like him, and we had so many random things in common, and I grew to love him. We had a bit of a long-distance thing going for us, but we made it work. I was in heaven. Then things began to change between us, maybe it was the distance; I’ll never truly know. Every time he had the chance, he brought up the fact that he didn’t want children, and the prospect of marriage seemed pretty sketchy to him. He said it had something to do with an ex-girlfriend, but I wasn’t too concerned about it, because, really, I was only a junior in high school, and I really didn’t have that on my mind. I just liked being around him, and he made me happy. I wasn’t picking out bridesmaids or baby names; I was having fun. And he obviously wasn’t. I should’ve known then that things weren’t going to work, but love makes you blind. Finally, there was one night that we had a bit of an argument that left me feeling quite discontent, and I should’ve broken up with him then and there, but I still had some glimmer of hope that it was only a phase.

I really began to lean on my friends during this time. I told them about everything, and they, being the friends that they are, didn’t want to break us up, because they knew how happy I was with him, until then. They began to doubt it, too, but didn’t really know how to break it to me. I didn’t know what was going to happen, but I kept an open mind. Towards the end of 11th grade, we went on a Beta-Sequoyah Book trip that took us to Quail Springs Mall to see “Iron Man 2”. (Yes, that’s what it has come to in recent years.) There I was with Shea and Tonisha. We headed into the theater, with me leading the pack. I had to decide where we sat, and I really didn’t know why they left that up to me, because they both knew how indecisive I was. As we stood there, I happened to see Tevis sitting all by himself right in the middle of the theater, at least three rows in front of everyone else. Tevis had truly become a good friend of mine through the year; also, he sat by Tonisha and me at lunch. I also felt bad that he was sitting alone, so I decided to sit next to him, and yes, because I was leading our group, it was me who sat by him. He was definitely one of my best guy friends at school, and I was comfortable with him. In fact, it was then and there that I suddenly felt a new feeling for him that I had never thought possible. I began to wonder why he never really had any girlfriends, and why he always got the short end of the stick when it came to those things, and how he was such a nice guy, and I began to wish that I could be with him, because I knew that I would treat him right if I had the chance, and, OH WAIT!!!!! Yeah, there’s one thing that suddenly came crashing back to me: I still had a boyfriend. Even if it wasn’t going that great, and no one really knew otherwise except for Shea and Tonisha (and they wouldn’t have said anything at that point, either), I still couldn’t do that to Adam. I’m not that kind of person. Besides, Tevis was just my friend, my best friend, and I couldn’t alienate that by liking him. (I’d been down that road before, and it didn’t exactly work.) And I had a boyfriend. By time about twenty minutes had passed, I didn’t give him (Tevis) another thought, except for when I was confused by the movie and he explained it. (I never saw the original Iron Man.) Shea and Tonisha kept whispering and giggling, but why, they never said, and it really was making me mad, but I decided to let it go and watch the movie.

My relationship with Adam lasted all the way until September, although I only think it was because neither of us wanted to be the one to end it, because the last three months of it was a joke, in my opinion. All in all, the important thing was this: I wasn’t tied down to someone who didn’t care about me, and I was happy about it. Don’t get me wrong, I cried quite a bit, and it hurt a lot, but overall, I was much happier than I was before. That was when I began to really enjoy my senior year. I had never had as much fun with my friends as I did during my senior year. The last thing I wanted was a boyfriend. I had lots of guy friends (aka my Botany class buddies), but I really didn’t care about having a boyfriend. I had been there, and I got hurt, and I figured that I’d wait awhile before getting back on the horse. They say that it’s always when you aren’t looking that you find love, and I can vouch for that. Wouldn’t you know that that was when I began liking Tevis? I told myself over and over and over again that I needed to wait a while, and I didn’t want to jump into anything, especially if I could get hurt again, and I was afraid that he was only a rebound, and I didn’t want it to be like that with him, because I really cared about him.

So, I played it cool for a while, because I had no idea if he even liked me, and I wasn’t about to repeat past mistakes. We already sat next to each other in Botany (our only class together) and at lunch, and no one really thought anything of it, because we were good friends. During a few plant collecting ventures, and other down times in Botany, I began to like him more. On the day of football homecoming, I casually asked him if he would be at the dance, and he told me that he probably would. I didn’t expect too much out of it, but I was excited. It wasn’t until the dance had been going for about twenty minutes or so, when he finally walked in. It just so happened that he came over and talked to me then, but after a while, he went to talk to some other friends. Finally, a slow song started, and I decided to ask him to dance. (It’s the 21st century, and I didn’t have all night to wait for someone to ask me to dance.) He seemed a bit distracted when I asked him, when his friends told him that he had better dance with me. So we did, as we continued to for the rest of the night. After he left, my best guy friend, Caleb, was chatting with me. He really wanted to know if I could talk to a girl for him, when I ended up telling him that I liked Tevis. He got this big smile on his face, and said that Tevis wasn’t the kind of person to dance with anyone. Caleb probably was one of the driving forces behind us getting together, along with another best friend, Alex. Both Caleb and Alex did quite a bit of hinting for the next month. That was when we finally went on our first official date. At the end of the night, I finally broke down and told Tevis that I liked him. I also told him about the time at the movie back in May. He really surprised me when he told me that he had liked me since the 3rd grade, when he came to Pioneer, and he remembered the time at the movie. Yes, really :)

Who would’ve thought that all of those little things would’ve led up to that moment? I sure didn’t see it coming. In the time since, I have grown to truly love him more than I ever thought possible. He never ceases to amaze me every time that we are together. I have no idea what the future holds for either of us, and some days that scares me, but I know that it will ultimately work out for the best, regardless of the outcome. I also know that I am truly happy with him, and he is one of my best friends. There were so many little things that clicked into place, bringing us together little by little, and I am so glad that everything has worked out as it has. I wouldn’t trade what he and I have for anything in the world, and I am confident that he feels the same. I am blessed.