2012: A Revolution!

Here I am at the end of 2012, and I have decided think of all of the cool/interesting/noteworthy things that have happened this year...besides surviving the "apocalypse" that we all knew wouldn't happen anyway. As usual, 2012 has had its ups and downs; fortunately, I had more ups than downs! If I had to think of one word to define my year, I think that it would have to be revolution. I feel that it is appropriate using two definitions, as a transformation and as an upheaval, of sorts.

I guess I'll start with the upheaval bit, only because it includes some of the yucky stuff that happened. I found myself in a few situations that really shoved me out of my comfort zone, and made for some trying times. It began in full force back in January, when I took my first, of what would eventually be two Calculus classes via ITV. This was not something I relished from this year at all, as I'm sure you already knew from all of my previous posts. I struggled some, but I am proud to say that I emerged successful, as was the case in my difficult Physics class!

Reality crashed the party this summer in multiple ways, mostly in the fact that I came to the sudden realization that I was actually going to have to make some progress on transferring schools, as much as I really don't want to, if only for convenience's sake. Although I was very perplexed for quite a while, I do believe that I may be starting to see some progress on that front, PTL! I also had to say some goodbyes that I really wasn't ready to say. The obvious explanation there was the loss of my classmate who drowned back in May. The other unwelcome goodbye wasn't necessarily a permanent one, but still, it made me sad. Yes, the goodbye of my awesome roommate from last year, Carissa! I really sound like a love-lorn sap with an unnatural obsession, but I swear that I am not! Really though, she became one of the best friends that I have ever had, and she made the transition to college life so much better than I ever anticipated! I am very grateful to have had the chance to get to know her! (I did get to attend her beautiful wedding in June, though, and we still correspond some, so it's not a total loss :) )

My scholarship, as nice as it is, and as grateful as I am for it, has really not turned out to be all that it was cracked up to be this school year. (Read: since August) Last year, I had no issues with it, but things now definitely aren't what they used to be, and that frustrates me some. Honestly, there isn't much that I can realistically do about it, if only for the fact that I have so much to lose, and now really isn't the time to rock the boat too much. I really could go on about this, but I won't. I'll leave it at the fact that it hasn't provided me with very much joy as of late.

I guess I'll end the depressing portion with the most obvious, and most recent "revolution" in my life:  my infamous break-up with Tevis. Last time I mentioned it, it was literally the day it happened, and I didn't have much to say. Now that I have processed things, I am going to pour my heart out a little bit, if only for personal closure, but this should be the last time I ever mention it; I promise! (Some of this may overlap with what I said last time...bear with me.) Regardless of the fact that most of you probably have never met him, I'm sure you came to be familiar with him. I won't go into damaging detail, because I just don't work that way when it comes to these things, but I should really say that this wasn't something I decided on a whim.  Don't get me wrong, we had lots of great times together and I really did love him. But, as all of my fellow bloggers know, you don't really tend to write about the bad times. Well, you do to an extent, but there is always the part that gets left out, because no one in the public domain wants to, or more importantly, needs to know about it. And you don't like posting negative things constantly. (Okay, well, maybe that's just me, but I think that resonates with many people.) He and I were never a perfect couple, and our relationship had a few sore spots that eventually caused its demise. For whatever reason, there were many people (mostly from high school or church) who were under the impression that we had this idealistic, perfect love affair that would be one for the ages, and they were shocked to find out about the break-up. And that's the thing: from the outside, everything looked great; unfortunately, it wasn't always the same way from the inside. I am a firm believer in letting go of something that no longer suits you, as opposed to holding onto it just to keep up appearances; that was exactly the case this time. You wouldn't believe how difficult it was to make that choice. I spent a lot, and I mean A LOT of time praying about it. I spent almost as much time discussing it with my people. I cried a lot. I was a wreck. (Hence my hiatus from blogging, not to mention stress preceding Finals week.) After a while, I knew that ending things would be the best option for both of us, at least on a long-term scale. Yes, I really was the one to end things, and I hated seeing the look on his face as I told him. Yes, I miss getting to see all of the wonderful people he introduced me to (i.e. his family, friends, etc.) No, I probably wouldn't want to reconcile, at least not right now. I know it hurt him, too, although I don't really know to what extent, seeing as that was the last time we spoke. I do hope that all goes well for him in any of his future ventures, including any future loves he may have, and I really mean that part.

I truly believe that this will prove to be a turning point in my life. I feel like there are some big things waiting for me in the near future. Things that are way bigger than this; things that are literally life-changing; things that I can't experience until I let this go. Maybe this is why I haven't struggled so much post break-up, because I am aware that this is merely a stepping stone in God's ultimate plan for my life.

Now that I got that out of my system, let's proceed with the happy stuff!

I actually accomplished one of my life-long dreams, not once, but FOUR times! I ran four 5K races, and I am in love! I am on the path to changing to natural running, which was a huge game-changer for me, and I am approaching 2013 with some bigger goals that I believe I can accomplish with a little bit of tenacity and motivation! Hopefully, I will be able to see those goals through, we'll see!

I became a student assistant for a teacher, who I deem to be one of my mentors, and I have loved it since day one! She is providing me with great insight into the profession of teaching, and lots of great training. I am very grateful for this opportunity!

I changed quite a bit this year, but I really think that it has been for the better. One of my biggest changes was in my spiritual life, which was largely due to the time I spent at Tevis's church. Before this year, I was feeling very stagnant in my spiritual beliefs, and his church really helped me to go back to the basics. It was completely different than anything I had ever experienced before, but it was probably one of the best things to ever happen to me. I feel like I am more spiritually entuned now, and I am much more aware of what exactly it is I believe. If anything, I believe that I have used this year to become more aware of God's presence in my life, and how richly, deeply, amazingly, undeservingly blessed I am, and how I can continue to work to be the person who He has called me to be.

Of course, I spent loads of time with my amazing family and friends, making wonderful memories that will last a lifetime. I read some amazing books and listened to some wonderful music. I studied hard, but I also made time for fun things, like birthdays and holidays, and any other good reason for celebration! All in all, I can't complain about 2012, because nothing is ever perfect, and that's fine with me! I am very excited to see what 2013 has to offer me...I know that it will be interesting!

As I finish contemplating my internal revolutions for 2012, the Earth is close to completing another revolution around the sun. (Honestly, I didn't consider that connection when the word came to me...how serendipitous!) I hope that 2012 has proven to be a good year for you and yours, and I hope that your 2013 will be even better!