What No One Tells You About Graduating High School

Not long after Evan's graduation a couple of weeks ago, I started thinking about my high school experience and the fact that it has already been four years since I last graced the halls of Pi-Hi as a student. Moreover, I marveled at the fact that those four years flew by and that next year will be the first "milestone" year for my class. (Well, if 5 years counts for anything...I'm a math person, and 5 is a good, round number, so I say it counts.) I started thinking about the class reunions that will inevitably await my class, and I realized that I was much more excited about reuniting with my friends from St. John's/OSU than I ever could be about reuniting with my high school classmates. 

This led me to further examine my high school years and why it is that I could really care less if I saw most of them ever again. Let's be real: high school was NOT always a good experience for me. I struggled with figuring out who I was and what I stood for, most of my "friends" treated me poorly (except for Tonisha...thank God for Tonisha!), I was mocked/chastised for excelling academically, I was basically the only Catholic in my class and had my faith mocked by my peers frequently, I wasn't in style or in touch with the latest fashion trends, and I didn't live in Brookside. I struggled with my self-image, with my faith, with my friends, with knowing what my ideals were, with the fact that I didn't really date (until the end of HS), with the fact that I wasn't one of the "cool kids". I mean, I wasn't a social leper, but I DEFINITELY wasn't cool by their standards. People belittled me for having good grades and wanting to do productive things with my life. People belittled me for actually trying to be successful at everything I pursued. People acted as though I was only Amanda, the girl who makes straight A's, instead of Amanda, the girl with a life outside of school. While my experience may pale in comparison to other people's experiences, it was often a great struggle for me. 

I remember that every time I came home crying about something people said/did/didn't say/didn't do, my parents and sisters framed every "tragedy" with this smattering of advice: "Once you graduate high school, none of this will matter." "There is life outside the four walls of your high school, and it's WAY better than anything you could ever imagine it to be." "Life might be difficult now, but it WILL get better!" "Don't let them keep you from being who you really are!" "You're a beautiful young woman and some guy is going to be REALLY happy to meet you!" "Don't let them get to you, just be the bigger person." Or my personal favorite from Emily, "...that's why I was only friends with the boys...girls have too much drama!" 

While this advice sometimes seemed trite and was of little comfort to me, it still meant a lot to me...especially the first tidbit about nothing mattering after graduation. If I could tell any new high school graduate one thing, I'd tell them that who they were in high school is pretty irrelevant to the way the rest of their life will play out, for better or worse. The students who didn't fit in will have opportunities to make friends of their own who will love and support them unconditionally. Most students who were star athletes will quickly become "have-beens" whose accomplishments will probably mean little to most people they meet. That clique of girls who made your life a living hell will have little power over most people who didn't know them in high school. That inseparable friend group you were a part of that swore would "never, ever quit being friends", will most likely dissolve within the first year out of high school. That high school boyfriend you "love with all of your heart" will probably break it, unless you're one of the few who marries their high school sweetheart...which I think is super sweet and incredibly adorable!!! Kudos to you! :) 

So I haven't really painted a positive picture of high school life, but what I've come to realize is that most negative high school experiences stem from the fact that, especially in smaller schools, you're stuck with the same people for as many as 14 years. That's a decent chunk of time. During a span of 14 years, it's a social norm (dare I say expectation) for students to be close friends, play on sports teams together, participate in extracurricular activities together, maybe even date. Oh yeah, did I mention that puberty takes place at some point in that time span? Looking at the high school experience, it is a unique time in teenagers' lives, a time riddled with crazy hormones, lovesickness (caused by the aforementioned hormones/puberty), and general craziness. These students are all over the place in their physical/emotional/social/cultural/sexual development and they're all stuck together during this time. Everyone spends so much time with the same people experiencing ALL of these things, plus plenty more, it's no small wonder that high school becomes a way of life, lacking an important aspect--perspective. 

Perspective that it all will change, for better or worse, perspective that their problems they face now are likely miniscule in comparison with those they'll have as they continue through life or that others have faced already. Perspective that their accomplishments are (mostly) relative and probably meaningless without any context. Perspective that a whole lifetime's worth of memories, friendships, relationships, careers, happiness, sorrow, adventures, and so many other things await them once they cross the stage in May that may pale in comparison to anything you've experienced yet. Perspective that they have the opportunity to change their life situation, for better or worse. Perspective that they have the freedom to make their own choices, but not to be free from the consequences of those choices. The real education about life occurs AFTER high school, not during! 

Lots of food for thought as you're likely contemplating your high school experience now. Maybe I'm way off the mark with my opinions, who knows...I may be wrong! The one thing I do know is that I'm about to immerse myself back into this crazy, nutty, hormonal environment on the other end of the spectrum as a teacher. A math teacher, no less. How can I, as a math teacher, help to make this experience less awful for students? How can I help them to see this perspective of what life really is? How can I give them hope or ground them in their thoughts? I mean, I'm just a math teacher, right? 

Honestly, I really don't know the answers to these questions. I have a suspicion that I have no idea what I'm getting into as a high school teacher. I know that a lot of successful teachers have one thing in common--they care. A lot. They invest in their students' lives and teach them things that have more to do with life than with their content area. They intersperse nuggets of wisdom into each "boring" lesson they teach. It is my hope that as I enter my classroom in the coming months that I'll be able to positively impact my students and make their high school experience just a little less painful, a little less awkward, and a little bit better.