Second Trimester

I realized a few days ago that I am officially in my third trimester! I'm not sure how that's possible, because it seems like I just found out that I was pregnant, but somehow, here we are!

My posts have been awfully sporadic because we have been working on buying our house. As of March 20th at 4:46 PM, we became the official owners of our home! We are so excited to have the searching/financing/waiting part over...now we're in the equally tedious moving phase. We are mostly moved, or will be by this weekend. We don't have to be out of our apartment until April 29th, so we aren't too concerned at the moment. We have had lots of amazing help from Steve and my friends Haley and Kiki. They have been instrumental in the progress we've made thus far. I'd also be remiss if I forgot about the help Diana and Jean have given us in helping to unpack and beautify our home! I can assure you that, no, I am not doing ANY heavy lifting. I am sitting as much as I conceivably can, and I am staying hydrated. Everyone on all ends has seen to that.

Outside of home buying (which has been one of the more stressful experiences of my life), the pregnancy has been pretty smooth sailing!

Milestones

• I had the "fun" experience of taking my gestational diabetes test a few weeks ago. It wasn't as bad as I anticipated. Honestly the worst part was that I had to fast for 12 hours. Drinking the super sugary drink on an empty stomach wasn't great, but it was okay. 

• It was not okay when I found out that I failed the first test. My blood sugar was 10 points too high, so I had to go retake it. The retake took about 4 hours of my life (plus 12 hours of fasting in preparation) and included me drinking the same sweet beverage, but with a larger glucose concentration and getting a vial of blood drawn from my arm 4 times instead of once. That was REALLY not okay. I also was very stressed over the prospect of having gestational diabetes. One of my friends had it, and it was very difficult for her. I assumed it'd also be difficult for me because the one thing I've consistently craved this whole pregnancy was sweets and other things that generally aren't good for diabetics to eat. I was a little depressed over all of that. 

• In better news, I do not have gestational diabetes after all. Crisis averted!

• I have started feeling Katherine kick! She is quite the active little one, especially from 9-11 PM. This concerns me a little that she'll be a night owl like me, but there isn't much I can reasonably do about that! I can also see my stomach ripple as she moves! I love seeing that so much!

• I have also started swelling, especially in my feet. That is mostly a by-product of standing to teach for the better part of the day. I sit when I can, but the way I teach, only sitting is not a very workable option. It usually ends with me super hydrating in the evenings and propping my feet up when I can. I know this will only progress...

• Thomas and I took a trip to NYC to visit Jay and Mark! We had a lovely trip, but OMG it was a lot of walking! Much more walking than I ever could have anticipated. New Yorkers have to be some of the most in-shape people on the planet. I made the rookie mistake of not packing tennis shoes, as I thought they would be too cold. By the end of day one, I said to hell with being cold, I need comfort. My knees were killing me. Thank God for the Asics store off 5th Avenue. They saved my knees and our vacation! We loved seeing Jay and Mark, as well as the sights of the city.  I will post pictures in a bit. 

• I am noticeably pregnant now, to the point that random people in stores ask when the baby is due or ask things about my pregnancy. 

• I have also noticed much more body aches, particularly in my back and in my ribs. I've also had a lot more indigestion/heartburn. It is all livable, but can be frustrating to me at times. 

Honestly, sometimes I find myself getting down. Clothes shopping, which once brought me great joy, brings me no joy whatsoever. Probably because the only clothes that I can comfortably wear look sloppy or I have to go to a specialty store and pay double what I would normally pay for the same article of non-maternity clothing. Looking at my closet is also depressing. It is all a reminder that I likely won't fit into a lot of these clothes anytime soon (if ever again) and that I'm moving on to a new phase of life. 

I also get down when I think about all the physical and emotional changes I've been through in the past 6 months. I don't feel like the same person. Admittedly, sometimes I get frustrated with the fact that Thomas doesn't have to go through any of this and has, thus far, been more or less (physically) unaffected by all of these changes. It frustrates me that I can't do everything that I'm used to doing, like walking up stairs without getting winded, bending over like a normal person, lifting and moving things, getting out of bed easily, etc. I get annoyed by some of the unsolicited advice that everyone doles out just because I'm pregnant. I also worry about what our lives will look like once Katherine arrives. I worry about if I'll be a good mom and how on earth I'll continue working and managing everything else I usually do. I worry about the fact that I'll supposedly never sleep again. I worry how Katherine will change Thomas and I's relationship. I worry about how parts of our extended family will perceive having a young person around when there hasn't been a baby in over a decade. I still find myself worrying about money, any health issues that could crop up, etc. I worry that my daughter will grow up to be a bratty, entitled person who is unhappy and who I don't have a good relationship with. I worry about her not getting to see her extended family enough and how to strike balance there.  

But, then I think about the fact that I am growing a tiny human. And not just any person, but specifically my daughter. I think about the fact that I am the only person in the world who will have the privilege to spend this time with her. I think about how beautiful and underrated motherhood is. I think about all the moms everywhere, and how beautiful their sacrifices are. 

I think about the fact that I have an AMAZING tribe of people who love and support us so much, especially Thomas. I think about the fact that I have a say in how my daughter is raised and who she associates with, at least to a certain extent. I also have the choice to be the kind of mother who she wants to be around and have a good relationship with. I have the choice to accept the advice that is well-meaning and of value and to ignore the trash. Thomas and I have the choice to work together to deal with the challenges and joys of parenthood together and to be productive communicators. We also have the choice to continue to make our relationship a priority, even after Katherine and any subsequent children join our family. 

I know that God always finds a way to provide for our needs and that worrying about that stuff while not knowing what the future holds is always wasted time. I know that I may have to restructure certain aspects of my time, and that may mean saying no to smaller priorities from time to time. I know that Katherine is a part of our family and that anyone who doesn't make her or us feel welcome does not have to be as big of a part of our lives, family or not. I also know that people sometimes blow things out of proportion, and people adjust. Sleep or not, we'll survive. Lastly, I know that technology exists that will allow us to connect with our family all over the place, so Katherine can know and develop a strong bond with each of them. 

It takes concerted effort on my part, but I will not allow anyone or anything to rob me of the joy of my pregnancy, of this sacred time with my daughter. I am over-the-moon excited to meet her, and I love her more than words could ever say. I can't wait to see her face and hold her tight, because I know she's only little once!