October (part 1)

I’m not really sure how to start this post, but it has to start somewhere, so I guess I’ll start with the beginning of October. The entire month was a blur, so I’m doing my best to remember everything. 

The first thing that happened was that Steve and Diana had a weeklong trip planned to Spain to visit Elizabeth. This meant that Thomas and I were left to dog and house sitting for them. This happened to coincide with homecoming week at school, which was a flurry of chaos all it’s own. All in all I had a blast with the dress-up days, usually making it my goal to not wear anything I’d usually wear to school on a typical day. (I think that’s every teacher’s goal for dress-up days, just saying.) We we’re planning on ending the week with a trip out to Quitman to check on bees. Also, my parents were joining us. Good times were on tap! 

Getting things packed to housesit and to go out to Quitman was not an easy task, but we were fairly successful. My Friday at school was the first time I’ve ever been a part of homecoming in Texas. Not going to lie, I think it gets a little blown out of proportion. I mean, girls were wearing mums that were bigger than they were. Guys wore mini-mums (aka garters) that were a little more appropriately sized. The week was full of guys theatrically asking girls to the dance in displays that I would expect from a marriage proposal. (Aside: what happened to guys just manning up and asking a girl to go to the dance with them like a normal human being? Not everything needs a “proposal”...yes, I’m super cynical about this; not sorry.) 

We had super short classes that day, and also had a long picnic outside, followed by an epic glow-in-the-dark pep rally that both were pretty great. Somewhere in there I got my flu shot, because that’s what you do in October when the company comes directly to your workplace and files with insurance. I was beyond tired at the end of the school day, so I came back to Thomas’ parents’ house (hereinafter referred to as “home” for simplicity’s sake) and napped on the couch before it was time to head out to Quitman. 

Soon enough we hit the road, excited by the fact that my parents were already there waiting for us! We had a great dinner that night of pizza and salad, followed by me passing out on the couch from exhaustion. We really had almost nothing planned for the weekend, aside from just enjoying carefree time with my parents. Thomas, me, and my dad were all off work on Monday, so it was slated to be an extra long, carefree weekend! 

It really was, too! Saturday’s only happening was going to Mass and dinner at a catfish place on one of the nearby lakes. The food was almost all fried and completely delicious. Sunday we planned on having a mini-Oktoberfest, complete with bratwurst, sauerkraut, and homemade soft pretzels a là Thomas. Before that, Dad helped Thomas make some small, but important, adjustments on Steve’s tractor. I think Dad secretly enjoyed working on a tractor even when he was away from home. He was probably just not sure what to do not having his massive tool selection that he’s used to having at home, but they made do. Mom and I later ventured into town to get a few things from the grocery store. 

Thomas was about to go start the grill when he noticed a missed call from his uncle Ross. He called Ross back, briefly finding out that he needed to get in touch with Diana (his sister) who was (obviously) in Spain. (Another aside: Steve, who works for AT&T and masterminds the family cell phone plan opted for himself and Elizabeth, who was going to be in Europe for 4 months, to have international phone plans. Diana opted not to have one, relying solely on WiFi and Steve.) Spain was 7 hours ahead of our time. And Ross called around 5 PM. Some simple math could tell you that getting ahold of Diana was likely a big challenge for Ross, hence why he contacted Thomas and apparently Elizabeth, too. Some time later we found out that something happened to their mother Jackie at dinner that night. She was at her assisted living and had started gurgling while eating. She was rushed to the ER, and Ross had some important things to discuss/relay to Diana. Also recall that Jackie is 84 and has degenerative Parkinson’s. We didn’t think much of it until Steve called Thomas back some time later telling him that we should strongly consider going back to Dallas that night, as Jackie’s prognosis was grim. 

It was on the verge of pouring rain, Thomas ran out of lighter fluid, and my parents were insistent that we go home so Thomas could be with family. All of this to say that our weekend with my parents was cut short by a day. We packed the house up in record time; also, Zoe’s typical whining was almost nonexistent. It was an odd evening. My parents opted to just drive back to the farm that night, promising me they’d stop when/if they were too sleepy to drive. We hurried back to Dallas about as much as one conceivably could when they’re 2 hours away, with a dog and an ice chest of food in tow. 

We finally made it to the hospital around 9 PM. Ross, Juliette, and their 2 younger children, Michaela and William, were circled around Jackie’s bed, visibly shaken and upset. Jackie rested quietly in bed, as doctors came in and discussed their treatment plan. This plan included a slow IV drip of fluids, so as to reduce her dehydration but not induce the risk of pneumonia or some secondary illness. Her vitals were weak, but still steady. We really thought the ER doctor was hasty in diagnosing her, but we weren’t sure. Around 11 or so, Thomas and I went “home” trying to get some rest after the whirlwind day we’d had. 

The next morning, I wasn’t feeling great. I really hadn’t been feeling great all weekend, but had chalked most of my symptoms up to effects of my flu shot. By Monday morning a few of my symptoms didn’t seem plausible for flu shot effects. I dug a little deeper, did some checking and finally figured it all out—I was pregnant. 

(No, this isn’t how I wanted to announce this, but it isn’t the same out of context, so there.) 

I was so incredibly happy that Thomas was with me that day, as I had a lot of emotions to process. We scheduled our first OB appointment and just reveled in the fact that we are going to be parents! I think we experienced every emotion possible that morning, but were ecstatic nonetheless. We were surprised by the news, but not totally in hindsight. 

We had spent so much time thinking about our news that we were quickly brought back to reality by a frantic text from Steve, directing us to get to the hospital ASAP. Jackie was rapidly declining. We felt like we were keeping a huge secret from the world going among Thomas’ family, knowing our news, and not telling anyone. My pregnancy emotions definitely showed up that day, as I cried more than I thought possible. Thankfully everyone was emotional, so it wasn’t too off base. 

During our afternoon there, Ross had one of their pastors come by to pray over Jackie. By a miracle made possible by God himself, Steve happened to FaceTime in with Diana and Elizabeth just as we started the prayer service. Each of them took a turn saying their tearful goodbyes. It was then that I realized our baby wouldn’t have the chance to meet his or her great-grandmother. That’s when I really broke down and had to excuse myself for a moment. Thomas and I made a resolution to tell Jackie before we left that day, even if she was in a morphine-induced coma. 

A few hours later, Jackie really wasn’t doing much, so Ross told us that it was perfectly fine if we just went home and took care of things. He promised that he’d call us if anything changed or happened and that he wouldn’t leave her side. Thomas and I asked for some privacy with her, which was when we shared our happy news. We took it on faith that she heard us, understood, and smiled a big smile deep within. We felt a deep sense of comfort and relief as we left, knowing that his grandma could take this happy news with her to the gates of Heaven. 

We did a few things, ate some dinner, and were sitting on the couch when Thomas’ phone rang. He shot up, paced around, and I knew by his reaction what happened. Jackie passed away peacefully that night, surrounded by Ross and Juliette and holding their hands as she breathed her last. The day was full of poetic contrasts. Even more so than Sunday, we really had a whirlwind day that Monday. We were nowhere close to being ready to go back to work the next day, but we had to be. 

Thankfully the next few days passed uneventfully. Diana briefly got an international plan to make it easier for her to talk to Ross about funeral plans for their mother. Steve and Diana opted to stay on their trip for the duration, as changing their flight back to DFW would’ve been too difficult and costly at that point. 

We started thinking about when and how to tell everyone in our lives about our big news. Jackie’s death put a little bit of a tangle in our plans, as we didn’t want to appear insensitive or as though we were trying to steal the spotlight. Also, we knew everyone was deeply grieving, so we didn’t want to get in the way of that. Meanwhile, two of my pregnancy symptoms quickly came to light, extreme fatigue and rapid mood swings. I came “home” from each day of school, practically collapsing on the couch. I really wanted to wait to tell my parents until the end of the month, but that changed after one night when I literally broke down bawling at the hands of a can opener that didn’t properly open a can of beans. It ended with me dramatically collapsing on the couch in a heap of tears, wailing out how I needed my mom, or Thomas’ mom, or almost any mom, but really just my mom. I needed to hear her tell me I could do this, that it’s okay to be an emotional wreck, that she loved me and was happy for me. I needed her hug and encouraging voice. We didn’t call my parents that night, because I really wanted to collect myself a little more than that when I told them the news. Also, I really thought I could soldier through and make it til we’d see them next. I was wrong—I called the next night and felt a million times better after doing so.

(To be continued...)