Today at Mass, we heard the Gospel reading about Jesus and Simon Peter on the boat, right before Peter was called to be one of Jesus’ disciples. (Luke 5:1-11, if you’re curious and want to read the passage. Which I highly recommend.)
In this passage, we hear Jesus trying to convince Simon Peter, at that point a meek fisherman, to cast his nets out into the deep waters of Lake Gennesaret. Peter was not excited about this idea. It seemed to him like a terrible idea. He was weary from being out all night with nothing to show for it. Trying again seemed like a waste of time and energy. Trying again just to come up empty-handed seemed like a losing proposition. It’d be defeating to catch nothing yet again. He was probably tired and ready to call it quits for a while. But Jesus gave a simple command to try again. Despite his instincts, Peter obeyed. I can imagine how silly Peter felt trying again, but doing so out of obedience to this Jesus fellow who happened to come out on his boat. People weren’t sure who Jesus was exactly, but they knew big things happened when he was around. Then, wouldn’t you know, he caught so many fish it took his partners and another boat to take in all the fish he caught.
These days I find myself feeling like Peter more often than not. In a few areas of life, (namely house hunting) I feel like I’m constantly being surrounded by failure, losing propositions, and weariness from dealing with it all. I find myself wanting to curl up in a ball and cry bitter tears of anger and frustration. I fall into a cynical attitude more often than I care to admit.
I feel like I’m not good enough and like I’m always falling short. I feel like I’ve been swatted down so many times that trying again, with the prospect of failure looming over me, is the least appealing option. Even if success is a possibility, it seems so minuscule that I can’t even cling to that hope.
I get Peter. I relate to him more than most other people from the Bible. We’d probably get along alright and could commiserate with being afraid to do exactly what Jesus tells us. And with feeling like we aren’t good enough for him.
What really struck me about this passage is how Peter, knowing full well that going back out to fish was likely going to be a losing proposition, did it anyway. Probably so he could keep reveling in the fact that everything is terrible and he’s generally a failure. And having the validation that he wasn’t good at it from this Jesus guy would justify his self-pity. (That’s why I would’ve done it...just saying.)
But he didn’t fail. He was more successful than he ever had been. He couldn’t believe it. Suddenly he was overcome with emotion of knowing that Jesus was someone important and that someone with his level of self-doubt wasn’t worthy to be with Jesus.
Jesus, who easily could have pointed fingers and said, “I told you so,” didn’t. Instead he affirmed Peter to not be afraid and to keep moving forward to the next simple command that he had—to be a fisher of men.
This week, despite the setbacks and seeming lack of success we’ve faced in finding a house, I’m choosing to accept Jesus’ simple command to try again. Even if failure is an option. Even if it seems like the deck is stacked against us. Even if it seems like we’ll be stuck in an apartment with no room for the baby forever. Even if all the properties within our means aren’t appealing. I’m going to trust Jesus and keep putting my net out, hoping to catch something. I’m going to trust that all the other deals that fell through are stepping stones to the perfect home for us. I’m going to trust that my wildest fears almost never come true, and even if they do, it’s never as bad as I dream it up to be.
I’m going to trust that Jesus could be ready to give us our miracle at any moment and not let my cynical nature dampen that hope. I’m choosing trust even if I don’t want to. Even if being negative is easier and more natural for me. I’m going to trust that God has a good, perfectly timed plan for us and that I’m being impatient.
If you’ve been feeling beaten down and weary over a situation in your life, I invite you to join me in this trust challenge. I invite you to join me in praying this prayer:
Lord, please enable me to be able to accept Your plan over my own. Give me the graces I need so I can be able to wait in patient, joyful hope and not allow these defeats to beat me down. Help me to recognize all the other good things you have done in my life and in the lives of everyone else around me. Cleanse my heart so that bitterness cannot take root, because I know that it’ll choke out the faith that You’re trying to give me. Continue to keep working out the details of the perfect plan You have for me and guide me to the steps I need to take to help You bring it to fruition. Give me the same courage you gave Peter in the boat so that I can put out into the deep and claim the miracle you have waiting for me. AMEN!
Babies don't need much room for quite a while, truth be told. You can keep them safe and snug in a chest drawer for some time. It's perfect really, no drafts, up off the floor and just the right size. Don't worry, dear. There is no rush. take your time and wait on God's timing. People begin moving in March, yes, but they continue to move all summer. How is your little one doing these days? Is it a boy or a girl, or do you know? Houses aren't important, really they aren't. Do you and Thomas love each other? Do you love this child? If so, you're good to go.
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