It baffles me that we're at the end of another decade. This is now the 3rd time in my life I've got to see a new decade come. I love times like these that allow me to sit down and reflect on how much is different in my life and the world around me. I looked for cool prompts or question lists to help guide me, but I didn't find anything I liked. Here's my feeble attempt at comparing my life.
Profile of Amanda in 2009
I was a junior in high school. Junior year really wasn't too bad, all things considered. It was a pretty big year for me. I finally felt like I had shed a lot of the awkwardness that was all-encompassing for the better part of elementary and junior high. I liked most of my classes, especially my math and science classes. That was the year I learned to love Trigonometry. That was also the year I got to take a fun Biology II class that was a hybrid of forensic science and vertebrate zoology. (I, however, hated my English class and our teacher who told us all that we "sucked at writing". PSA: Teachers, never make statements like that to impressionable high school students. They won't forget your unkindness. Also, suck it, Ms. Watkins. I'm still writing.)
I made it to state in track (running the 3200m relay). I was captain of the quiz bowl team. Second chair clarinet (to a girl who was a 3-time All-Stater) and enjoying band. I had resolved a lot of drama in terms of finding positive friendships. Tonisha and I were BFFs who were living our best lives. I got my license. I attended NCYC in KC and had an amazing time meeting other young Catholics. That was probably one of the bigger turning points in my faith life, because I joined YAB not too long afterwards. I also felt like the exotic kid at school who had friends all over the place and not just at little old Pioneer. I just gained my 4th nephew, Andy. Life was pretty good, all things considered.
By the end of 2009, I gained a bigger perspective that I so desperately needed to find back in 2008 and the beginning of 2009. I felt really pigeon-holed being at Pioneer. Don't get me wrong, I had a great educational experience and I met some of my lifelong friends there (aka Tonisha). But I learned pretty quickly that I wasn't cut from the same cloth as a lot of my peers. I was one of a handful of Catholics, and people were pretty openly rude about that. I didn't come from a family with a "name". Yes, my dad's whole family and both of my sisters went there, but that didn't mean much to anyone. While academics came easily to me, not many people at school cared about that besides the teachers who weren't coaches. Sports was king, and having natural athletic ability (or general coordination) was not something I was endowed with. Athletics was the one thing I had to actually work at to come close to finding any sort of success. It was probably a good thing I ran track, because it taught me a lot about endurance and mental toughness. And it wasn't like most team sports, which meant that I didn't have to worry about a-hole teammates being on a power trip and jeopardizing my chance at victory. I liked being solely responsible for my victories and losses.
My sisters, who were well into their adult lives by this point, always tried to tell me that life improves vastly beyond high school. Once they explained that you can control your friend group and that you don't have to deal with the same annoying classmates you've had since elementary school on a daily basis, I realized that that sounded like a pretty sweet deal. I bought in to that idea easily. The problem was that I still had a few years left of dealing with my peers who I didn't like. I guess you could say that me seeking friends and connections outside of Pioneer was my way of trying to achieve that reality quicker.
Oh yeah, I was also on the cusp of starting dating. That was another thing that plagued me. The guys at my high school were idiots who only wanted one thing. And it wasn't me. Not bookish, straight A, independent-thinking, farm kid, Catholic, band nerd, befriend my teachers, want to get out of there ASAP Amanda. Not even a little bit. The 2010s contained my entire dating journey. It makes me shudder to think of those times. In retrospect, I wish I wouldn't have allowed myself to be so consumed with boys in high school. There really is nothing good that can come from dating in high school. You're practically a child, but with hormones that enable one to think they aren't. Your prefrontal cortex is still developing, for heaven's sake. I'm sure someone tried telling me some combination of those things, but I wasn't about to listen. In my mind, having a boyfriend or some sort of companionship was the only way I could appear to be normal in the eyes of my peers. Again, most of my peers were clueless idiots themselves. Why I wanted (or needed) their approval in the first place confuses me. (Basic neuroscience and psychology explains this, but still.) Nonetheless I did. I spent inordinate amounts of time seeking something that I had a feeling I wouldn't find there. (SO glad I didn't!)
I think that about sums up my life in 2009. Be on the lookout for 2019's profile!
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